I ate.

And ate, and ate some more...and gained back the 3 lbs. I lost from my green cleanse.  Oh well.  I'm going back to a low carb diet, which seems to really be the only thing that has ever worked for me.  I've been carrying around this extra 15 pounds for a few years now and I have to either accept and love it, or get rid of it.  Actually, I'm not sure I can ever love it but maybe acceptance?

I toy with the idea of having a surgery to get rid of the part of me that I really hate the most.  My husband really likes this part of me, but I've never been comfortable being a "chesty" girl and I think that if I was better proportioned I would better be able to live with the weight my body wants to be.  One of these days I will make an appointment for a consultation but I'm not quite ready yet.  I'm pretty sure that I wouldn't qualify for an insurance covered procedure, unfortunately.  I do know that I don't want to live the rest of my life struggling to find clothes that fit right or are comfortable and I would love to walk down the street not feeling as though I'm being checked out by every male (and female) that passes by.  I'm sure it's mostly in my head because I'm so self-conscious about it.  Still, it feels real to me.

We have decided on our next road trip, Silverwood and then a loop through Yellowstone.  Silverwood for the kids and Yellowstone for me.  I know they'll love it when they get there, I can't wait!  I've never been and it's been on my list for years.  Mike has a business trip in Wyoming so it works out well.  I wish we had the time and money to head down to Utah as well, maybe it will work out. 

Bah Humbug AGAIN

As if my life isn't filled with enough anxiety and depression, cuz that's pretty much my constant state of being from mid October through April, with little sprinkles here and there the rest of the year, my effing roof is leaking again!!!  Flat roof over the bedroom, which we FIXED already, starting leaking again during another torrential Seattle rainstorm last night.  Luckily my hero, Drew, showed up at exactly the right moment, forget that he actually showed up for leftover chili, and saved my ass.  This is a new leak, where the flat roof and the slanted roof meet.  Drew climbed up in the downpour, in the pure darkness, and threw a tarp over the leaky part and stopped the stream of water landing in the center of my bed, on my newish Pottery Barn comforter non-the-less.  It seemed to work, although in order to stop the leak I had to remove the tarp from the other flat roof, over the kitchen, which started leaking on Thanksgiving day.  It's a small leak so I found an old ski jacket one of the kids left in the storage room and crammed it around the stove vent, the source of the leak in the kitchen, and so far so good.  I come from pioneer stock.  In case you are wondering, Mike is out of town, another one of those "Mike coincidences" that pop up so frequently.

Crazy weather has been predicted for the northwest this year and we have not been disappointed.  This morning it rained harder than I have ever seen it rain at my house.  Thunder and lightning, it was like nighttime at 8:00 this morning when I took Jack to school.  I actually like dramatic weather so I'm pretend complaining about that, except when the dramatic weather falls on my super adorable comforter.

Like I've inferred above, my anxiety is over the top right now, I'm trying to finish up my Christmas shopping on a shoestring budget, I'm almost done but my seasonal affective disorder is not allowing me even go near a crowd of any sort.  Luckily our closest shopping center is an outdoor mall, which helps as I'm not forced to get too close to other humans.  Blech.  I've even managed to avoid the Center's annual Holiday Party, which features a chocolate fountain, my worst nightmare.  Seriously, so gross.

I tried to cheer myself up the other night by watching a late movie (anxious sleeplessness), FYI...don't watch "The Lovely Bones" when you are depressed.  Derr.