I ate.

And ate, and ate some more...and gained back the 3 lbs. I lost from my green cleanse.  Oh well.  I'm going back to a low carb diet, which seems to really be the only thing that has ever worked for me.  I've been carrying around this extra 15 pounds for a few years now and I have to either accept and love it, or get rid of it.  Actually, I'm not sure I can ever love it but maybe acceptance?

I toy with the idea of having a surgery to get rid of the part of me that I really hate the most.  My husband really likes this part of me, but I've never been comfortable being a "chesty" girl and I think that if I was better proportioned I would better be able to live with the weight my body wants to be.  One of these days I will make an appointment for a consultation but I'm not quite ready yet.  I'm pretty sure that I wouldn't qualify for an insurance covered procedure, unfortunately.  I do know that I don't want to live the rest of my life struggling to find clothes that fit right or are comfortable and I would love to walk down the street not feeling as though I'm being checked out by every male (and female) that passes by.  I'm sure it's mostly in my head because I'm so self-conscious about it.  Still, it feels real to me.

We have decided on our next road trip, Silverwood and then a loop through Yellowstone.  Silverwood for the kids and Yellowstone for me.  I know they'll love it when they get there, I can't wait!  I've never been and it's been on my list for years.  Mike has a business trip in Wyoming so it works out well.  I wish we had the time and money to head down to Utah as well, maybe it will work out. 

I did it! Now what?

So I actually made it through the three days without eating any solid food except a bit of watermelon.  And, I actually had a huge burst of energy yesterday, which I am still feeling this morning.  That might be the fact that I'm drinking strong coffee on a very empty stomach, but whatever.  I had very little hunger, a little weakness here and there, but otherwise it was a piece of cake. 

I didn't clean out my system (if you know what I mean) as I'd hoped but I'm optimistic for today.  Now the problem is I don't know what the heck to do.  Should I eat?  What should I eat?  And, guess what, I don't even want to eat!  I'm going to finish off my Naked Green Machine today before foraying into solid food and then I'm just not sure.  Maybe I have acquired one of those eating disorders like I prayed for when I was a teenager.  Just a month of anorexia, that's all I ask! was my fervent prayer. 

I'm taking Gracie out for a haircut today, gonna clean out the trailer (note to self:  get tabs), and obsess about what my first solid meal in four days might consist of.  Mike is on his way back from Canada, and the sun is actually shining in Seattle...pretty much, hallejulah!

Day Two

I did it, I made it through day one of my green juice fast/cleanse.  I wasn't even hungry, which is so weird because I am always hungry.  No exaggeration. I think that stuff is thick enough and full of so much veggies and fiber that it just hangs around in there awhile.  Anyhoo, day two, I'm at work today so I'm hoping my stomach won't make scary growling noises and embarrass me.  Lost two pounds overnight, I'm not stupid, I do know that it's not "real" fat, but I don't care cuz it's the bloat I'm gunning for this time. 

I finished off the big bottle of Odwalla this morning, Liv absconded with a glass yesterday so I didn't actually drink the whole bottle myself.  I'm going to grab a Naked in the cafeteria today (can't wait to see how much that little bottle will run me down there) and start the second large bottle from home after work.  Since Mike's out of town this week it's been easier than it would have been otherwise.  The little guys are happy with whatever I put in front of them for dinner so last night they had a box of Annie's Mac and Cheese and pigs in a blanket with li'l smokies and crescent rolls.  Gross right?  At least I had absolutely no desire to eat it, although I almost shoves a spoonful of mac into my mouth before I remembered.  It would have been really sad to ruin an almost complete fasting/cleansing day with a mouthful of boxed mac and cheese.